Not what you think. Baby Center has a new feature that sends you a text message when you enter the fertile phase of your monthly cycle, named "
The Booty Caller", no freaking joke. Since we are certainly not pregnant this month, again, because we didn't have sex at the right time, again, I uh, signed up my hubby.
I always have a good idea when I'm fertile. Getting my husband to understand I'm fertile and then getting him to have sex is a feat that seldom happens. It's the reason why I stopped charting. What's the sense in knowing that you are going to miss the eggie? There isn't any. What's the sense in stressing over how exactly to get him to put out? None.
Still, I want a freaking baby! I'm not sure how else to do it without having sperm enter my body. In my god-damn-it-I-got-my-period-again private rant, I entered in my husband's phone number, signing him up to receive text messages about my fertility.
I didn't realize they would send a confirmation text message. Oops. I was just hoping to surprise him with the hint. Now he's going to know and he's going to ask something like "what the hell is this?". Or he'll think "do we need this?" or "how much is it going to cost us because we can't afford it?" (it's free). I'm not expecting a pleasant reaction, really. Maybe he'll surprise me, but I think I'm probably going to offend him.
Why will he be offended? Because firstly, he feels bad about not getting me knocked up. It makes him feel less manly to have "help" and to really have to try...hard. It gets stressful for him to know he
needs to try and
has to time sex. It also may have to force him to realize that um, he really doesn't understand that you have to have sex BEFORE you ovulate and that there are only 4 or 5 days you CAN conceive. He thinks that is all poppycock. Since he's had (limited reproductive) medical training, he
refuses to believe otherwise.
I'm prepared for his reaction. Why? Because I'm tired of being just peachy and understanding when I'm fertile and don't get any. I'm tired of being solely responsible for this, doing all the work on my own while letting him dictate the show ultimately.
I'm also tired of hearing "I'm sorry" from him when I get my period. Sorry for what? That I didn't immaculately conceive? That your penis took a vacation during my fertile window? That having a baby is something you said you wanted and agreed to try for in theory but aren't willing to do the work? That your sperm can't defy biology? Or are you sorry because you know you didn't do anything to get me pregnant? How many times can you hear I'm sorry while nothing changes for it to stop meaning anything. Apparently, for me, its 3 years.
The sad truth is is that I do ovulate very regularly and my body makes my fertility very easy to predict these days even though I'm trying hard to not to stress over it. For instance, I knew I was fertile during Christmas and tried to get some sex. When I realized hubby wasn't going to put out, I sucked it up. Because I wasn't charting and couldn't confirm ovulation, I let myself believe I was wrong about my fertile window. It's just easier to live on false hopes sometimes. It's easier to believe that being sympathetic to my husband's needs is going to payoff in the baby realm because one day, I will be wrong about ovulation.
I'm hoping that I won't have to admit to myself that the one real dream I have is one that he, for whatever reason, won't support me on, won't help me with and that he probably doesn't want to have anymore children. You know how I know I'm fertile a lot of the time? It's when he gets stomach aches. No kidding. My fertility literally makes him sick. Once I'm no longer able to get pregnant, he feels great and is ready to have sex. Whether conscious or not, its happening and it might be time to deal with it. After all, I'm running out of time.
I think this is my passive-aggressive way to find out what he really and truly wants. At the moment, there are no other options besides actively trying. My dreams of medical help to get us pregnant died when we realized we couldn't afford the insurance premium for me. Adopting isn't affordable either. So, its well-timed sex or nothing. There isn't a point to trying anymore if we aren't going to do it all the way. The only that's happening at the moment is I'm tracking my period and I'd rather know for sure if he's committed to this or not.
Guess I'll find out.
Comments (1)
I hope he turns out to be pleasantly surprised by the booty call texts. That's pretty hilarious actually.